always
by abbietanner
Summary: old and grey katniss has to let peeta go but finds its easier than it should be and is doing things that are confusing her untill she feels a familiar feeling and know what is going to happen. it is alot better than it sounds. Katniss pov


**I do not own hunger games or the characters. Everything belongs to Suzanne Collins. Please review. *sorry about all the capitalization errors***

I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and do not see the mockingjay that was once here. I do not see the hunter. I do not see the girl on fire. She is long gone, always has been. Nobody is here to remind me of her. Instead i see the kind of person that everyone used to respect for surviving. I see a woman with gray hair and saggy skin. And red eyes full of tears. What do i have left anymore other than my children who are all grown up. Both Haymitch and my Mother are long dead. I only have myself now. I turn from the mirror and dress in a beautiful black dress. I carry in my hands a letter and a dandelion.

I make my way out the door and begin to head to the meadow. I delayed as long as i could but I must hurry or I will never be able to say thank you and goodbye. I don't try to hide the tears still falling down my face. when i reach the meadow i see only five people. i didn't expect more than that. I nod in the direction of a woman with hair flowing past her feet and dragging behind her, as she hasn't cut it since her torture during the rebellion. Johanna Mason see's me and makes her way over. she says nothing and only hugs me and tells me she is sorry. Maybe i have more than nobody. I have my children, I have Johanna. I spot Annie Cresta and her son and add them to the list as well. I have five people i still love.

I walk Silently to the Body laying on the ground. I would have called it Hunters foot a long time ago. I dismiss the thought of hunting because it will only make me think of a certain someone who i have not thought of in a very long time. I clutch the locket around my neck. no. It will only make it harder to say goodbye.

As i see him laying there i wish i could see his bright blue eyes looking up at me. Hear him say he loves me like he so often did. Wish i could hear the strong beat of his heart and feel the comfort of his strong arms. I wrap his hands around the dandelion and put it over his chest. I place the letter under the dandelion. My hand runs down his cheeks and i whisper "real," as if i was re-answering the question from so long ago.

I take the white pearl from my pocket and i am about to put it in his shirt pocket when i hear a shaky voice from behind me. " that was his gift to you. don't give it back," annie says. I turn and see finnick and i am startled before i realize it isn't finnick i see but his and annie's son. i think about what she said and slip back it into my pocket. nodding my head and softly saying "thanks"

I turn back to peeta's body and whisper "goodbye, boy with the bread." I stay there for hours watching People i don't know bury peeta in the meadow, and still stay even when they are gone. _i need to move. i need to do something,_ i tell myself.

I stand up to leave but when i turn around I see a man walking towards me. when he is only a few feet away i notice his grey eyes and dark skin. But i still don't even notice who it is until he speaks. "Katniss i am so sorry." Gale. I brush past him and begin to walk when i hear his voice again. "i am glad you chose him. so he could be happy while he lived. he needed you more than me anyways. and you needed him just as much."

I stop walking and look at him. See he has a ring on his finger. I open my moth to comment but close it realizing i don't have anything to say to the person who killed my sister. i Begin to walk away and when i turn to look back see him crouching beside the graves of haymitch, peeta, prim, and my mother.

Its this sight that makes me realize it. These deaths hurt him as well. Prim and my mother were like his family and he worked with haymitch and peeta to help me survive and to help the cause of th rebellion. i decide he never did it on purpose so i can forgive him for now. for one last conversation.

"Why did you come back?" i ask him once he I am beside him.

"I had to apologize to him. To all of them."

"What did you have to apologize for."

"Well i shouldn't have to say what i need to apologize to prim for, your mother for taking prim away, Peeta for being such a jerk to him because of what he couldn't help, and Haymitch because i wasn't very nice to him either. Then there's you. But i don't even know how to begin apologizing to you."

I am just quiet and eventually he says all he ever needed to. "i am sorry katniss. truly. its to late for you forgiveness though. 60 years too late." it was a little hard to understand him because he has no teeth but i understood well enough.

"yes it is." i say truthfully. because we never lie to each other.

" ha. Look at us. we are pathetic. we still can't get along and we are on deaths door." i say after a minute or two then turn on my heals and begin to walk away.

When i reach home i feel relief, nothing more, nothing less. i finally got Gale off my chest. I don't even feel sad about Peeta anymore. which is weird. i feel as if i am 16 again. Like i never left that beach in the second arena. I never really did though did i? I do many things that i'm not quite sure why. I make sure the locket is secured around my neck, the pearl in my pocket, i pin Madge's pin to my shirt, read the plant book, read the book that has everything about the dead, the last page being about buttercup, and add a page about Peeta.

I flip the book to a new page and get up to find a picture. i take a picture peeta painted of me and tape it to the top then print everything about myself in it. I'm not sure why exactly. its like in the first arena, when i could tell i wouldn't be going back to the cave. i could tell i was leaving the arena. i don't see myself waking up in my bedroom in the morning for some reason. i send texts to my children saying i love them more than anything and i always will no matter what. at some point sleep overtakes me.

When i wake up i am confused my skin is smooth and young, i can feel my braid on my back and when i pull it in front of my face i see its the color it was long ago. i look down and spot that i am wearing a purple dress. "how do you like it?" cinna asks me.

i turn on my heels and see Cinna and Portia and both prep teams staring at me. I immediately run for cinna's arms and hug him tightly. Then Portia, then the preps. "it's beautiful cinna, as always."

"why don't you go say hi to everybody," Portia says

I turn around and am comforted by madge's arms. behind her is everyone that was killed by the bombing in 12. past them are the people killed in the capitol. i see the little kid in the yellow rain coat clutching their doll. i Hear the smacking of lips and crunches of walnuts and turn to see mags. Finnick comes from behind her and says " want a sugar cube, katniss?" then he laughs wraps his arms tightly around me.

from behind me i hear Darius " nice trick with the peas by the way." then he grabs the tip of my braid and tickles my face with my braid like he so often did. Lavinia the red headed avox girl looks at me and as she is no longer an avox she tells me " i'm glad you didn't save me, you would never have lived a happy life."

Haymitch happy and sober comes up to me and hugs me. "nice job, sweetheart."

I feel someone small grab me from behind and she says a small "quack" and i yell "PRIM! i love you so so so much." i hold on to prim for a long time before my mother steals me away from her. over her shoulder i see prim pick up buttercup with a blue bow around his neck hissing at me. lady Prim's goat following behind prim. my mother lets go of me and turns me towards the little girl posing like a bird taking flight. Rue. i pick rue up and say "i told you everything would turn out okay in the end." I see the rest of the tributes from both of my games behind thresh and put rue down when i begin to walk towards them they split into two groups leaving a path between the two and sitting on the beach, blonde curls perfect, blue eyes popping out at me, arms held out, is Peeta. I run towards him and jump into his arms. i Hear Effie and Plutarch behind me talking about how they should have been recording this whole thing and Boggs tell them to shut up, but it doesn't matter, I ignore them.

I look peeta in the eye and say "stay with me?" and he reply's

"always"


End file.
